These last few weeks at Gateway have been all about Best. Story. Ever. (I’m going to always hear Rob Overholt’s voice when I read that…and chuckle to myself…Thanks Rob, for your awesome sense of humor that I so easily associate with!). This week Rob/Justin McCarty—depending what campus you were attending—challenged us to tell our story in three ways.
First was to someone you know who has never heard your story. Check for that one, and I got theirs too. Win-Win!
Second was to tell it to a stranger. Working on that one.
Third was to tell it on Social Media.
……
Well, I suppose I need to start with Part 1, you know begin at the beginning and all.
I was born in Terrell, TX. If you haven’t heard of Terrell, you’re not missing much. I grew up in a Southern Baptist Christian school (Terrell Christian Academy), and was saved at 5. I was sitting in Chapel on a Wednesday and heard the speaker say all I had to do was pray and ask God into my heart. So I did. Quietly. I was a shy, awkward kid, so that worked for me. I attended this school from Kindergarten through my Senior year, and often found myself at odds with the school for what I perceived to be “stupid” rules and impositions, like when the school once tried to say that DC Talk and Jars of Clay were not Christian groups. They threatened to confiscate those CDs, if they found us with them. No Joke. They really did.
We went to a Disciples of Christ church (Eastridge Park Christian Church) 45 minutes away in Mesquite, TX. That was a huge church of 3500 members, at its peak. We eventually had to move to a closer church, and went with College Mound United Methodist Church. It was really difficult going from a youth group of nearly 400 to a church of less than 150 members. I grew to love the little church though, as I saw how loving and welcoming the people there were.
Moving on to part 2, After graduating high school, I moved off to college, first in Abilene, then in Tyler, and lastly in Nacogdoches. Abilene was kind of a waste of a year, so we’ll just move on to Tyler. While in Tyler, I found myself moving back toward church, but always had one foot out the proverbial door. I spent time in the Baptist Student Ministry, and Central Baptist Church, but as a Theatre major, I was always only halfway in. When I moved to Nacogdoches and Stephen F. Austin, Church and God became more of an afterthought. I partied with my friends, but stayed away from alcohol until I was 23. Once I started, I was going full steam ahead. I started at SFA with a 3-point-something GPA, but by my senior year I was barely above a 2.0. I took all upper level classes my last year, and aced all but one of those. Somehow, I managed to get back to a 3.0, but I had no plan for life after college. I was content to keep getting hammered and partying with my theatre friends. That was the ultimate “F you” to the oppressive school I grew up in, and the God I had wrongly associated with that school. I should be clear, I look back on my time at TCA now and hold no ill will, but post-graduation, I wanted nothing more than to distance myself from there as much as possible.
Even after I moved to Austin, I continued to party it up. I was on 6th or 4th street nearly every Saturday (sometimes during the week too), and often driving home drunk, wondering how I made it without being pulled over, or worse. I was allowing my parents to fund me when I was in financial trouble—something they were all too happy to do—but treating them like crap at the same time. I often ignored their calls, or yelled at them when I would pick up the phone. I was miserable, even though I may have looked like I was doing great. During this near-decade of time away from God, one thing was a constant for me. A friend from Tyler Junior College, Brian Cromeens, gave me a devotional called My Utmost For His Highest. That year-long devotional was the last strand of the string left from my heart to God. That one string never broke. I held to that devotional every year. I often read the day’s devotional still drunk after a night downtown, and cried myself to sleep thinking I was never going to be worthy enough to find my way back to God. Here’s the crazy thing….God was very lightly tugging on that one string and pulling me back to Him, inch by inch the whole time. I just couldn’t see it for the spiritual cataracts on my eyes.
I started attending a church called Bethany United Methodist, but never quite fit in there. At one point my roommate and I decided to check out Unity Church on The Hill, but that ill-advised decision was short-lived. We walked into the church gift shop and saw tarot cards, and books on Buddhism and Taoism (among others), and immediately knew this was not a church for us. We politely bowed out and headed back across the street to Bethany. We attended on and off, but still never felt at home there. A coworker suggested I check out this church called Gateway. I drove to the church, but couldn’t find it at first. I grew up in churches with steeples, so that’s what I was looking for. I finally found it, but I was 15 minutes late. I said, “I’ll just come back next week.” Four weeks went by, but no church. My coworker asked me if I’d been, and I said no, but I would go. I finally stepped into Gateway Community Church and sat in the bleacher seats because I could be lost in the shuffle back there. I was good with that.
Ted was speaking the first time I attended, and I was hooked. Ted’s biting sense of humor and uncanny ability to transition smoothly (as a baby’s butt) from humor to heavy was exactly what I was looking for. I continued to attend the 11 am service, because I could go still hung over from the night before. Nearly a year of attending Sunday service, but nothing more. In September 2012 Gateway started the Soul Revolution series. I decided to go against my nature and step out to join a small group. I showed up thinking it was a single’s group, only to discover it was mostly couples with kids…lots and lots of kids. I went with it, because I thought the group leaders, Brett and Kristin Skalko were so friendly and inviting. For nearly four and half years I was part of this life group where the number of children was more than the number of adults. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I can thankfully say I am still close friends with everyone from our core group, and they continue to pour into me as they did from day one.
In December of 2013, I lost my mom—three days after my birthday. 5 months later I lost my Mema (grandma). For the first time in my life, I was without the people who’d raised me. “What do I do now? I’m alone. I have no one.” I was wrong. I had a group of people who lifted me up in ways I can’t explain. I would not have gotten through their deaths without my small group, and God’s love pouring out through them. Not long after that I went through Grief Share, and came out the other side with a healthier spiritual outlook on death and loss. Thank God for that crazy group, and for those crazy videos with Dr. Tripp and the living being on his upper lip (we laughed over that man’s mustache more times than I can count).
Man, long-winded much?! Yeesh!!!
So Part 3…yeah…here’s where it gets good.
Some of part 3 includes events from part 2.
I joined the tech team not long after starting the small group, but I include that as part 3 because I really found a larger community through serving there, in the time after the death of my parents. I started on lights, and really enjoyed getting to team up with Jay. Eventually he and I were moved to cameras, where I was switched to a different team. We’ve both since worked together from time to time, along with his wife Laura. They are kind of the bomb diggity as couples go. If you’re reading this and you don’t know the McNabbs, you should. I’ll point them out to you sometime. There’s also Rob, Keith, Dan, Jonathan, Travis, Ty and so many others I’ve gotten to know through this amazing team.
Had I not joined the tech team, I never would have met Justin Girdler, and joined his life group which consisted of Michael, Sean, Shawn, Travis, Brian, Larry, Brad and my brother from another mother, James. They have all become a huge part of my life. I joined Justin’s life group earlier this year, and in my time in the group, I’ve grown by leaps and bounds. That had a lot to do with how open, honest and vulnerable each of these brothers were from day one.
I need to backtrack a little.
Before joining Justin’s group, I went on my first mission trip abroad—to Haiti. I was approached last July by Melissa Fisher. She asked if I wanted to join her team and I gave every copout answer I could muster. 20 minutes later, I was in a car accident on 183. From that car accident came the $300 down payment I needed for Haiti. I would end up being nearly 300% funded for that trip. If Melissa asks me to do something now, I say “You got it!” I don’t need to get into another car accident. That’s a bit of a running joke now.
Haiti changed my life in ways I can’t quickly or easily explain. The friendships I’ve cultivated since then have brought me into a level of community I never thought possible. I went back again this year with a group that consisted of four 30-somethings and 40-somethings, and four “kids” ranging from 19 to 23. I put kids in quotes because what they lacked in years, they more than made up for in spiritual maturity and love for the people of Haiti. Everyone in the group blew me away. I loved our crazy amalgamation of old and new Christians, and was repeatedly amazed by the so-called “baby” Christians and their reckless abandon in sharing their faith. As much as last year changed me, this year I believe my time in Haiti changed the trajectory of my spiritual path completely.
I’ll wrap up with this.
For years a big part of my struggle with feeling worthy—of God, of a godly woman, of godly people, the list goes on—has centered around the nature of my addiction. Yep, I’m and addict. I have so long struggled in silence with pornography. In 2015, Brett and Kristin announced to our life group that they would be the couple interviewed by Ben Sledge during the “Porn Sunday” week of the I Heart Sex series at Gateway. On a slight side note, this same series is where Melissa and my paths first crossed, and our friendship/mentorship first began. I’ll circle back to that in a bit.
Ok, back to the whole porn addiction thing.
Brett admitting his struggles in mixed company showed me I could do the same, so for the first time in my life I did just that. I admitted the struggle in the presence of the women in our group, and received nothing but love and support from them. Talk about not what I expected.
Fast forward to Haiti last year. Melissa asked all of us to think and pray about something we wanted to leave in Haiti. I knew day one what God wanted me to leave, but there was no way in hell I was telling a group 15 other people—consisting of 10 females—I barely knew that I was a porn addict. I’m sure you can guess what God had to say about that.
By that Friday night in Haiti I found myself sitting with Sheena and Caroline from our group, and listening to them talk about their own struggles with lust. It was like God was saying “you just think you have a copout answer prepared. You’re talking about your addiction, whether you like it or not.” So I did, and found myself being met with love and support, instead of disgust (see a pattern here?!). Since then I have been attending recovery and started a step study there. I still struggle mightily with my addiction, but I can tell you there is great power in sharing that struggle with others. I keep going back to Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, and how we can face the enemy better with another in our corner. Verse 12 speaks of a triple braided cord not being easily broken. I fully believe that third braid is God.
So nearly 2300 words later, that’s my story so far, and I’m sticking to it. If you’ve read this far, I will have a prize of some sort for you when next our paths cross. I hear my hugs are kind of good so there ya go.
Or maybe a cookie….
Seriously though, thanks for reading and going with me on this peak into my journey.
The Random Musings of a Nerdy Christ Follower 